FIRST TIME DRUNK
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single rose 🌹! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written with red little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick: ‘Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian’ He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, ‘So son! What happened last night?’
‘Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you pucked in the hallway, and got the black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, ‘So, why is everything in such perfect order and also clean? I have a rose , and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??’ His son replies, ‘Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!. Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS! 😁😁
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane , a Boeing 747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting,”Boing! Boing!! Boing!!! No….”she sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent!” There was pin drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends a long time, but I just can’t think your name. I’ve thought and though, but I can’t recall it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just looked at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”